What is foreplay: Method, tips and benefits

Despite being one of the most sensual and exciting activities, foreplay is often misunderstood and underrated. Foreplay, also known as outercourse, is often simply understood as what happens before sex or an activity that leads to sex. Most people assume that foreplay is just a warm-up for the main attraction - sexual intercourse. However, there’s a lot more to foreplay than meets the eye and it could very easily become the main event instead of an opening act if done right.

Foreplay involves a number of small activities that stimulate both the body and the mind and get you ready for sex. Kissing, roleplay, talking dirty, touching, cuddling and simply gazing into each other’s eyes are all activities that help the release of hormones like oxytocin, serotonin and dopamine, which reduce stress and help you enjoy sex even more. Foreplay provides many benefits to people of all genders and sexualities and yet there are many misconceptions people tend to have about foreplay.

In this article, you will find out some of the most commonly used methods of foreplay, the benefits of foreplay, the ideal duration for foreplay and tips for foreplay.

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Common foreplay methods
Foreplay benefits
- Physical benefits of foreplay
- Psychological benefits of foreplay
Ideal and actual foreplay duration
Tips for foreplay
Common misconceptions about foreplay
Takeaways

Doctors for sexual disorders and issues

Common foreplay methods

Foreplay may mean different things to different people but it usually involves a number of smaller activities that stimulate the mind and the body at the same time. These common methods of foreplay increase intimacy, build confidence and improve body familiarity while also working to help your heart pump faster so that your blood rushes to your genitals and leads to sexual arousal. It is important to remember that every foreplay method involves unlimited avenues for experimentation and improvement, which is a great way to keep monotony and low libido at bay. The following are some of the most common foreplay methods -

(Read more: How to increase libido)

Kissing

Kissing means touching or caressing with the lips to indicate love, sexual desire or a simple greeting, depending on the culture you come from. A study published in the journal Archives of Sexual Behaviour in 2015 suggested that kissing has been adopted as a universal expression of romantic love and sexual desire since the beginning of human history. The study says that kissing is not only used as a mate-assessment technique (by all genders, but especially women) but also functions as a method of establishing pair-bond attachments.

This study showed that in long-term relationships, kissing technique and frequency plays a huge role in relationship satisfaction, even in contexts where it doesn’t lead to arousal. So, use kissing as a foreplay method but don’t keep kissing limited to the duration of foreplay and intercourse as it has a larger function in relationships.

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Roleplay

Roleplay is a method of enacting deeply held sexual fantasies within an environment of safety and consent. It basically refers to enacting certain roles, whether they are from dreams, movies or other popular or personal stories (imagined or real), to build sexual anticipation and arousal. A study published in the Archives of Sexual Behaviour in 2015 says that while many think of roleplay as a kink behaviour that borders on sadism or fetishism, this act of foreplay is widely misunderstood as it falls beyond the ambit of the conventionally held idea that “sex is for reproduction only”. Another study published in Frontiers in Psychology in 2019 shows that roleplay is often more transgressive among lesbian, gay and male-dominated roleplay scenarios, while women in heterosexual relationships report that they are mostly expected to enact submissive and gender-stereotypical fantasies during roleplay.

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Talking dirty

You might assume talking dirty has no bearing on stimulating sexual desire, but studies show that what basically happens during dirty talk is that humans give each other verbal cues that trigger imagination and thereby stimulate the mind and body, leading to arousal. A study published in The Journal of Sexual Medicine in 2006 enumerates some of the verbal/auditory cues that stimulate sexual desire:

Listening to people explicitly describe an enjoyable sexual experience
Listening to or describing a romantic sequence between two attractive or idealised people (on-screen)
Invoking and retelling a fantasy which has been reliably erotic in the past
Describing a fantasy in great detail with the intention of enacting it

Another study published in the journal AIDS Education and Prevention in 2017 indicates that talking dirty has now transcended the audio-verbal realm to enter the domain of sexting, which has gained immense popularity over the last decade. As new communication technologies emerge, the study says, the ways in which people talk dirty are also evolving.

(Read more: Bisexuality)

Touching

Touching or sexual touching is non-genitally focused forms of stimulation of oneself or a partner. A study published in the journal Archives of Sexual Behaviour in 2019 explains that this method of foreplay involves a wide range of activities including (but not limited to) stroking, caressing, massaging and holding any part of your own or your partner’s body. Touching can often lead to inadequate sexual stimulation if it does not engage attention properly, which is why it is often also accompanied by other methods of foreplay like talking dirty, kissing and even simply gazing into each other’s eyes.

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Massaging erogenous zones

You might have heard of the erogenous zones in your body and how their massage stimulates as well as lubricates you enough to get ready for sex. Massaging erogenous zones is a form of touching which not only involves the genitals but also other sensitive parts of the body. A study published in the journal Archives of Sexual Behaviour in 2016 describes that the erogenous zones are larger and more activated during partner sex rather than masturbation. The erogenous hotspots for all genders are breasts, genitals and anus while other locations like earlobes, feet/toes, scalp, inner thighs and the area behind the knees are also crucial. It must be noted that getting pleasure from massaging the erogenous zones also involves holding the partner’s gaze and mutually reacting to pleasure. This visual aspect is what qualifies massaging the erogenous zones as a separate act of foreplay than touching.

Foreplay benefits

Foreplay definitely plays a physical and sexual role, but there is an emotional and psychological purpose for it that is equally crucial. This is the reason foreplay is very important and can provide you with multifaceted benefits. It is important to note that you are likely to reap these benefits no matter what your gender or sexuality. The following are the key benefits of foreplay.

Physical benefits of foreplay

Foreplay initiates two key processes in the body and the mind: sexual arousal and sexual desire. The latter may be more in the realm of psychology and hormonal/endocrine function, but the former is attached deeply to physical factors that culminate in sex and orgasms. When you are sexually aroused, your body pumps more blood because your heart rate, blood pressure and pulse speed up.

Your blood vessels, including the ones located in and around your genitals, become more dilated to accommodate these changes. As more blood flows to your genitals, your labia, clitoris or penis are all likely to swell up and feel hot to the touch. This also leads to swelling of the breasts in women and erections in men. In women, this arousal also lubricates the vagina and helps make sexual intercourse easy and enjoyable.

(Read more: Erectile dysfunction)

Psychological benefits of foreplay

The other process initiated by foreplay is sexual desire, which in turn helps build intimacy, confidence and anticipation. This naturally feels good, but there is more to it than just a feeling of pleasure. Foreplay, especially kissing, touching and massaging erogenous zones, helps release a number of hormones while controlling others.

Hormones like oxytocin, serotonin and dopamine increase during foreplay, which leads to a lowering of inhibitions and reduction of stress. A reduction in the levels of cortisol, the stress hormone, aids this process. These hormonal changes not only reduce the obstructions to sexual intercourse but also facilitate affection, pair attachments, bonding and the quality of pleasure and orgasms.

(Read more: Sexual anorexia)

Ideal and actual foreplay duration

Even if you think of foreplay as simply a warm-up exercise, you need to give it enough time. Foreplay should last for as long as required so that your sexual desire and arousal are both equally heightened. However, people often disagree about the ideal duration of foreplay and also underestimate the actual duration of foreplay - primarily because this is not an activity you would ever do by the clock. Further, foreplay duration is something that is also largely dictated by individual choices and the needs of the relationship.

This is the reason why you would be hard-pressed to find any scientific stipulations regarding the ideal or actual duration of foreplay. Studies are much better able to throw light on the tendencies and perceptions regarding foreplay duration. For example, a study published in The Journal of Sex Research in 2004 reveals that the ideal length of foreplay did not differ for men and women. However, men tended to report a significantly higher duration of intercourse than their female partners. The study also noted that the ideal duration of foreplay reported by both genders was much longer than the actual duration of foreplay. Women, in particular, underestimated their male partners’ desired duration of foreplay indicating that perceptions and stereotypes - especially the stereotype that men do not find foreplay as important as women do - have a huge role to play in the actual duration of foreplay.

(Read more: How to have safe sex)

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Tips for foreplay

Instead of thinking of foreplay as a chore or an unnecessary part of your sexual life can be a huge mistake no matter what your gender and sexuality. Not engaging in foreplay adequately should be seen as a missed opportunity for greater pleasure, not just for you but also for your partner. Therefore, engaging in foreplay is a must for a good sex life. However, many people find it difficult to freely engage in foreplay due to stigma, shame and even inexperience. You need to remember to think beyond these as sexual pleasure is an important part of life and can naturally provide you with many benefits. The following are some tips you can use to engage in foreplay.

Know yourself: Knowing your own body and mind - especially what excites both - is very important even before you initiate foreplay with a partner. How else would you communicate your individual likes and dislikes? Exploring your own body is also important because it can help you recognise if anything hurts or if there are any signs of complications. If you do feel something is wrong, consult a doctor.
Talk it out before: Foreplay is much more than a warm-up to the act of sex, so you can start out by discussing your needs as well as your partner’s needs. Discussing your fantasies and what gives you pleasure can help build intimacy and shed inhibitions in both a new relationship and an old one.
Try a variety: You are unlikely to find out if a method of foreplay works for you or not unless you give it a try. So, be open-minded and try a variety of foreplay methods. However, it is very important to get your partner’s consent before you try anything new. If both of you are not on the same page, foreplay would be much less enjoyable and could also lead to awkwardness, discomfort, injury and worse.
Skip the shame: While a lot of stigma and shame is still ascribed to sex and foreplay in many parts of the world, you should strive to overcome it especially in your personal space with your partner if nowhere else. Feeling safe to explore and improve in your own personal and sexual space is very important for your mental health as well as physical health. The same goes for your partner too.
Communicate: Talking to your partner during foreplay and sex is just as important as talking before it. Communicating with your partner can help you both understand each other’s needs better and this is likely to improve sexual pleasure and satisfaction too.
Give it some time: Foreplay is a process and it does not come with an on and off switch. So, take it slow and take your time. If things do not work out the way you expected them to, do not blame yourself or your partner. Instead, start over and keep trying to find out what works for both of you and what doesn’t.
Ask a doctor: There are many reasons why sexual health problems arise. If you face any problems in performing or getting satisfaction during foreplay and sex, do not wonder about your problem or take sexual health advice from just anybody. Instead, talk to an expert or doctor about your problems so that you can get appropriate advice and treatment.

Common misconceptions about foreplay

People often do not engage in foreplay or engage in it the wrong way because of their misconceptions. These misconceptions are likely to come in the way of your sexual satisfaction as well as your partner’s. This is the reason why acknowledging these misconceptions and rectifying them is important. The following are some of the misconceptions about foreplay that you must let go of.

Foreplay always leads to sex: Foreplay does not necessarily need to culminate in oral sex, vaginal sex or anal sex. In fact, foreplay can be an important and enjoyable activity in itself, especially if you are engaging in it when your partner is not physically present or nearby. Because foreplay includes a wide range of activities, including massaging the erogenous zones of the body, it can lead to mutual masturbation and orgasms even without requiring penetrative sex. (Read more: Common mistakes during sex)
Foreplay and oral sex are the same: As mentioned before, foreplay does not necessarily require the involvement of or the stimulation of the genitals. Foreplay can lead to sexual anticipation and satisfaction without necessitating penetrative sex of any type. This is the primary reason why foreplay and oral sex are not synonymous. On the other hand, if foreplay leads to oral sex and better sexual satisfaction then that is up to your partner and you. Remember to get consent before initiating oral sex or any other type of penetrative sex with your partner. (Read more: Lubricants)
Men don’t need foreplay: The idea that men do not need or require any foreplay or can get aroused with the bare minimum of foreplay is a myth. Men have almost as many erogenous zones as women (if not more) and stimulating these by taking the time to engage in foreplay can lead to higher sexual satisfaction. A study published in The Journal of Sexual Research in 2004 reveals that men, same as women, expect to engage in foreplay for almost 10-20 minutes. (Read more: Penile burning sensation)
Women can’t orgasm without foreplay: As opposed to the view that men don’t need foreplay at all, the misconception about women says that they cannot orgasm at all without some or adequate amounts of foreplay. Studies reveal that orgasm depends on the rush of adequate blood to the genitals, particularly to the labia and clitoris for women. If the sexual or erotic stimulus is strong enough, this process can occur in a few minutes. However, women may need more active stimuli to be properly engaged in satisfactory sex and reach an orgasm, which is why engaging in at least some foreplay - even if it is sexting or watching an erotic film together - works better for women.

(Read more: Women’s health)

Takeaways

Like most activities, sexual activity too can get monotonous. Add to this the daily stressors you may experience at work or in your personal life, and achieving sexual satisfaction can become more difficult. Foreplay, instead of being a mere prelude to sex, can be an enjoyable act or series of acts that reduce mental stress, relax you and provide immense amounts of pleasure no matter what your sexual orientation or gender.

Further, engaging in foreplay is a way of communicating and giving pleasure as much as it is about taking pleasure. This is the reason why many sex experts also believe that foreplay can bring excitement and intimacy back into your life and relationship. No two people may have the same ideal duration for foreplay or even derive the same amount of pleasure from the same acts of foreplay. Exploring your own sexuality as well as your partner’s can provide you with better insight into which foreplay methods work best for you. In case you encounter any sexual health problems along the way, it is recommended that you talk to a doctor or sexual health expert to understand the underlying problem.