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Almost everyone wishes for an exciting and fun sex life, the kind you see in the movies or read about in novels. Often, though, it doesn’t live up to our steamy and sensual expectations. Don’t worry, you’re definitely not alone in this. Don’t chalk it up to the difference between real and reel life - it’s completely possible for you to have the sex life of your dreams if you work towards it.

Many times, once the honeymoon period gets over, a couple’s sex life becomes more routine and falls into a predictable pattern. The spontaneity goes missing, orgasms become fewer, sex positions turn ordinary, foreplay lasts all of four minutes and the intimacy goes for a toss. 

While some find comfort in this new normal, others might feel unhappy and not fully satisfied. Your sex life, if you wish it to be, can be ever-evolving. If you can keep learning new things as you go, you can be sure that you won’t run out of ideas to spice things up for a few decades at the very least. It takes time and effort to bring about this change in your sex life though and it can be challenging if your partner isn’t on the same page as you. 

Here are some ideas for you to discuss with your partner:

  1. Talk about sex
  2. Turn it into a partner project
  3. Play out your fantasies
  4. Take some time for yourself
  5. Masturbate together
  6. Plan a game night
  7. Sweat together in a different way
  8. Change the environment
  9. Doctors for Tips to make sex life better and fun

Not the mundane talk about whether you want to have sex right now or later, if you’re in the mood or not, etc. etc. No, genuinely, dig deep and lay out your sexual needs and wants and desires in front of your partner. Then ask them to do the same. Many of us can feel a little shy about being this vulnerable - but that is why it can help you understand each other better every time.

Keep in mind that telling your partner what you want in bed doesn’t obligate them to straight-up give it to you, especially if both of your needs don’t align. You both need to comprise a little and find a middle-ground that you’re both happy with. Also, keep an open mind about what your partner reveals to you - what seems sexy to them might feel odd to you but the key is to not judge each other over this. 

Read more: How to talk to your partner about sex

Research is the base of every project worth doing. So get your nerd on and start reading up. Treat it more as a group project than competition though and send each other links you find on interesting positions, have them send you trendy techniques - the internet is full of people sharing their sexual suggestions. And don’t just stop there, you can even write your own erotic scenarios, a play by play of what you wish your next encounter with your partner would go down like. It’s okay if you’re not much of a writer - we’re sure your partner doesn’t expect Shakespeare-level literature from you. Just give it a try and worse comes to worst, you both will share a nice laugh over it.

Read more: How to increase libido

We’ve all had our imaginations run wild from time to time but never even thought about living them out unless someone else brought them up. Well, it’s time to gather your courage, pick one of your favourite sexual fantasies (you know which one) and make the suggestion. Ask your partner to pick a fantasy too and if both of you are okay with the other’s, then you know what you’ll be doing all of next weekend.

Make sure you put an honest effort into it, though. Whether it’s bondage or roleplay or something else, go get all the props you’ll need for it, read up on all the safety measure, and decide a safe word with your partner so that you can stop the activity as soon as either one of you feels uncomfortable. Fair warning, playing out a fantasy doesn’t always end up being very sexy - sometimes it’ll be hilarious, other times just awkward, but till the time you don’t feel uncomfortable at any point, the experience will definitely bring you both closer sexually. 

Read more: Common mistakes during sex

Having a good sex life isn’t just about your relationship and chemistry with your partner. You also need to feel confident and have a positive body image. And almost everyone could use a small boost to those. So take some time for yourself and treat yourself to a flattering outfit that makes you feel sexy. And don’t shy away from seeing yourself naked in the mirror - instead, try to love and appreciate your body for all that it does for you. Pleasure your own body, mind and soul and you’ll slowly start feeling a lot more confident in everything you do, including your sex life.  

Read more: Tips for the first time you have sex

We know what you’re thinking - why masturbate when you can have sex? Not many partners feel comfortable pleasuring themselves in front of their partners but it can be a really exciting experience. So for a night, set a no touching each other rule, and get started on your own self. This will also be a live demonstration in how your partner likes to be touched and they’ll also get to see how aroused you feel by just watching them. Talk to each other while you do this to turn up the heat even further. And it’s okay to break the touching each other rule when it becomes too much too handle.

Read more: Lubricants: Benefits and Side-Effects

We don’t mean Tambola or chess - although we’re sure those could be turned into adult games as well. Play the strip version of whichever game you and your partner enjoy - like strip poker or strip scrabble. You can also invest in a pair of naughty dice. Add a few body shots into the mix and you’ll start feeling the same excitement you felt when you first met each other. You can even play some games via text if you’re too shy in the beginning - like "would you rather" or a naughtier version of truth or dare. If you’re not sure how to bring this up, give your partner the game in the form of a present and take it from there.

Would you rather is a very simple game. Here's how to play it:

  • If it's your turn, offer your partner a choice between two things you want them to do to you. Begin each choice with "would you rather". For example, ask your partner: "Would you rather kiss me or hug me?"
  • Next, your partner gives you an option of two things they'd like you to do to them and so on.
  • Of course, you can make the options as silly or as sexual as you both like.

Read more: Oral Sex

You might think there’s nothing sexy about working out. But then you would be mistaken. Exercising makes you fitter, improves your stamina and energises you - all of which can make your sex life a lot sexier. Even better, try some couple workouts - they can bring you closer emotionally, reduce relationship stress and anxiety and help you see your partner’s strength. The combinations of your sweaty bodies, intimate workouts, heavy breathings and racing heart will be a turnon in itself as well. To get the ball rolling, you can try running, partner yoga asanas, lawn tennis or even hiking. 

Read more: Increasing sexual stamina and confidence

Sometimes you’re so accustomed to the room you have sex in that you feel weird breaking the routine. Well, time to step out of the room then. If possible, plan a weekend away but not for sightseeing - just for sex. Once you step into the hotel room, just stay there until checkout and find different, fun and sexy ways to pass your time.

If a trip is not on the cards, just step out of the bedroom, literally. Have morning sex in the kitchen, start foreplay while you're out for dinner, shower together and you could even experiment in the balcony or on the terrace if you feel it’s safe enough. The new location will help mix things up and even heighten your senses.

Read more: How to have safe sex

Dr. Abdul Haseeb Sheikh

Dr. Abdul Haseeb Sheikh

Sexology
8 Years of Experience

Dr. Srikanth Varma

Dr. Srikanth Varma

Sexology
8 Years of Experience

Dr. Pranay Gandhi

Dr. Pranay Gandhi

Sexology
10 Years of Experience

Dr. Tarun

Dr. Tarun

Sexology
8 Years of Experience

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